Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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