Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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