It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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