making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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