so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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