You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
