If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize