i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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