You smell like stripper and shame
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
