No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
