she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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