and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
