Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just had sex bonerless
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
