He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
