I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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