Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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