He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
