I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my liver is dry heaving
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