I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
