Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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