When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
