Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
