i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
