you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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