You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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