i don't like sucking hair
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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