it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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