i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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