I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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