Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
