I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
