I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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