You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to sanitize my soul.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
