oh god the rape fog is back!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
