We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
what day is it and did you see me today?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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