Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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