He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
