i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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