Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
