ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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