i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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