dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
