he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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