so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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