I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
