thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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