Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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