wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
