M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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