I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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