lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize