My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
birth control should be required to get into college
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize