i think my tv is drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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