I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
