weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
