i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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