I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
