Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
