Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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