the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
