Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
