my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize