Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
