tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
