That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize