stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
