seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize