My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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