I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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