Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
