epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this hospital has no fireball
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I currently don't understand fingers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
