found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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