I got chris browned last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
